Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize