I can tuck mytits in my pants
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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