this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
