It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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