He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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