I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
