Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Randomize
