We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
