So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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