if you like me you must not know who I am
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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