I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
