he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
