That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
