last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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