i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
