Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
