Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
