Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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