remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
