I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
