i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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