Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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