my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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