Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
