the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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