I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
