woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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