i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
