I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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