i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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