Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm both gender and math confused
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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