I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
