im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
