hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
