And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
