we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
