Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
