I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
