And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
