Your tits are I can't wait for
I have demons in me.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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