hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
