I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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