You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Congratulations! We have a period
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