How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
