Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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