you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
