I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
