After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
