Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
