she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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