if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
