Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
