does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you never un-have a 4some
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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