I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
