I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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