You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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