She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
