so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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