They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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