"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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