Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Houston, we have a squirter
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
