I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
