Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
