brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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