but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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