you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
