I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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