apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
