you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
