You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
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1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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