Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
