ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
