You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
