all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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