Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
