It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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